I doubt many people have ever seen their own heart before.

Now I can join that group! A little background: so I've known I have a heart murmur since I was in my teens and it never concerned me. I decided that I was going to throw Javelin for Denison and put my gregorian, god-like form to some good use. Denison requires a physical, so I got one, and Whistler (surprise) told me to go to the hospital to have my mumur checked out.

So there I was this afternoon, lying shirtless on a table as some stranger put rubber crop circles on my chest, put some goo on a weird instrument that looked sort of like a coffeebean grinder, and proceeded to jab me. Next thing I know, there she is: mein heart! Kind of surreal seeing your own beating organ in film noir on a little tv screen. It looked happy. I got a chance to listen to it. It sounded content to be as it was.

As a joke, I asked the doc to check out my liver. He told me I have plenty of mileage on that sucker.

So turns out I am fine, and I am NOT dying, to the relief of many.

Twas the week after Christmas
And all was not well
For this boy from The Hill
Was bored as all Hell

He'd seen all his buddies,
Aquaintances too
He'd exhauste his options
Of things he could do

He'd painted the foyer
He'd thrown out the trash
He'd thrown a small party
A winter-break bash

He'd found a small job
And it paid well enough
Doing work for the hospital
Some clerical stuff

But the boy was still bored
And with time left squander
He'd joy-ride for hours
To let his mind wander

The night club was boring
His friends were the same
It seemed like his break
Would turn out quite lame

When all of a sudden
There arose a vibration
His cell phone was ringing
(Few words rhyme with 'vibration' so stick with me here)

"Hello?" the boy answered
His voice raised in question
"It's God" the voice said
"What's up? How's it hangin'"

"Wound up like a spring
and I'm going bananas!"
Said the little boy
In the blue fleece pajamas

"My computer's at school
So that's that I suppose
And gas is expensive
As everyone knows

So I'm stuck in my house
With nothing to do
But sit on my couch
Watching MTV2

Just like that, in flash
God took his remote
Threw it to the ground
And with lighten did smote


...............
Yeah I have writers block. Merry Christmas

And on the third day, there was a marriage in Canaa of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of Jesus said unto the Lord, "They have no more wine." And Jesus said unto the servants "Fill six water pots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste of the water from the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come. But the servants did know, and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord, "How the Hell did you do that?!" And inquired of him, "Do you do children's parties"? And the Lord said, "No." But the servants did press him, saying, "Go on. Give us another one." And so he brought forth a carrot. And said, "Behold this, for it is a carrot". And all about him knew that it was so: for it was orange... with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot and then removed it. And lo, he held in his hand... a white rabbit. And all were amazed and said, "This guy is really good! He should turn professional!" And they brought him, on a stretcher, a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him, "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy." And the Lord said, "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'd be pretty sick of the palsy, too!" And they were filled joy and cried out, "Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer." And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed. And Jesus said unto her, "Put on a tutu and lie down in this box." And took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said, "Oh ye of little faith". And he threw open the box, and lo, Mary was whole. And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her, "From now on, you shall be known as Trixie. For that is a good name for an assistant." And the people said unto him "We have never seen anything like this. You shouldn't be wasting your time in a one-camel town like Canaa. You should be playing the big arenas in Jerusalem." And Jesus did harken unto their words. And he did go unto Jerusalem. And he did his full act, before the scribes and the Pharisees and the Romans. But alas, it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they absolutely crucified him. Here ends the lesson.

There is no God.

Discuss:

Ok, so I've come to the overall conclussion that I'm perfectly capable of being very very dumb. Not so much in an academic sense, just in day to day situations. Or bad luck seems to follow me when I least expect it.

Last Friday, I did my usual thing and made my way to a friends bday party in The Beav. I arrived properlly intoxicated, and made merry for the rest of the night. I hobbled back to my room some time after midnight and decided sprawling myself on the floor, fully clothed, using my backpack as a pillow was a superior choice to expending energy and climbing into my bunk. Choice. I lay for a couple hours I think, then muster the courage to hoist myself up there, and somehow manage to take out my contacts at this point too (no matter how drunk I am, I ALWAYS manage to do this; instinct). I'm not ashamed of the secondary, fully-clothed passout. No, I was perfectly happy in my coma. It was nice.

It was the following event. One second, I'm happily not part of this world, then BAM instantaneous pain streaks up and down my body and the side of my head feels like it got slammed with a 2x4. I find myself once again on the ground, cringing as my tissue is torn assunder. Thats right, I fell out of my loft, and it fucking hurt. It still hurts. My head hit my desk chair on the way down and I split my right earlobe open. My knee is pretty bad, and I have nasty bruise on my hip too.

And what did I do after the incident? I got up, proclaimed "Ooooowwww", got back in bed, and regained unconciousness.

Choice.

It has come to my attention that I've been receiving a lot of spam in my Denison Inbox. Wait, that's an understatement. I've been receiving SO much digital crap every morning that I spend more time deleting bogus mail than I do reading the ones that are legitimate (not including the plethora I get from Cookie Sunkle, Abby Ghering, and the rest of the Denison hoodlums). I find this most curious, since I don't go around leaking my email all over the internet, unless I am A) purchasing something, or B) creating a legitimate account, say, with Travelocity. Thus, when I wake up each day and find my inbox is flooded with 120 messages with subject lines like "Do you want a bigger penis/house/similar capital structure?", I get a little suspicious.

I decided last weekend that enough was enough, so I opened EACH spamacious digiturd of an email and followed the "Get me the hell off this email list" link and therefore let fall the guilletin (sp?) of privacy. Now I typically get 1 or 3 a day, probably from the companies that didn't get the mail bombs I also sent back to them.

And then the strangest thing happened. I actually sorta kinda miss my spam! I had such a little routine going: crawl grogily out of bed, launch IExplorer, and open my email, and spend the next 4 minutes deleting email while chuckling at the title. Now I have these 4 minutes every morning where I find myself lacking in something to do. True, I could sleep in or enjoy a longer shower, but it lacks the same pizzaz as receiving an email called "Impress your date! Get a FREE Porsche!", "Act Now and Receive a Lifetime Supply of Viagra!", or "Your New Seguay is Waiting!".

Life's joys certainly do pass us by.

So here I am, 20 years and what do I have to show for it? Well, if you like, take a look at my entry from my 19th birthday and see if anythings changed at face value just from reading it. I'm not quite sure where I want this entry to go, but I figured what the hell, might as well.

So, as predicted, the coincidence of my birthday falling on homecoming (as will my 21st next yera, so help me god) promoted much of whats to be expected of a Denisonian: complete and utter disprespect for my liver. Strangely enough, I wasn't even out of control, just having fun with people I love, which is partially what birthdays are all about, in a sense. Still, ending up in Beaver at 4 in the morning begs a little explanation. You get none.

As a treat, I got to meet a lot of cool Lambda Chis that were before my time, including my Great Great Grand-Big Rob Hillow, who I instantly liked and could see why he was in my family. We also have the same birthday, which is the wildest conincidence I could imagine. My 20th was everything I wanted it to be, and a big thanks goes out to all the people who made is such. I got great gifts, lots of hugs and hellos, and drank till I couldn't feel my skin. What more could a man ask for?

So where do I find myself now that I've made it past my second decade on this planet? I suppose it would take more than a little internet entry to properly digest a question like that, but I'll give it a whirl.

Regardless of how my entries might speak to my character, I think I'm a lot calmer: I never run anywhere anymore. I'm tired a lot, and spend more time relaxing than worrying. I also don't study nearly as much, though I think my current courses warrant that one. I'm in much better shape than I used to be, I think I might even weigh less than I did starting freshman year, and I just feel better health-wise. I think my confidence has grown a little, though not as much as I would like, but a step up rather than a step down is ok in my book. I've also stopped looking at myself as an outsider; where I'm from is such an inconsequential thing, and I made too much of a big deal of it last year, and it became my justification for a lot of BS. Glad that's over.

Anyway, as predicted that's pretty much all I can write. Thank's to everybody who wished me well on my big day, and a big fuck you to Carter for making me do 4 shots in 10 seconds. My liver sends it's compliments.

I've discovered that there's definitely a certain duality that comes with alcohol. Simply by being intoxicated, it's like a "get-out-of-jail" card for all actions that you would, as a sober person, have to be accountable for and perhaps explain to a jury of your peers. Like, for instance, if it were the middle of the day and I were to whole-heartedly slap the behind of a delicious young sorority girl, I would probably get an eye-full of mace and a 2 week course on Respecting Women. But get a few shots in both parties, and put on "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake, and suddenly its completely ok, and in fact, she might ask for second helpings. I've certainly done my fair share of things that I could only explain the next day by saying "Oh, I was so wasted I couldn't feel feelings anymore", and what's more, people will generally accept that as an excuse. This can be used to your obvious advantage, as you could stake claim to your high BAC to condone something embarrasing, even if you weren't. Unfortunately, I suppose it goes both ways, such as when an attractive (or at least you thought she/he was) member of the opposite sex throws him/herself at you like a slobbering slut of a whore, with all their shit hanging out like a Vegas skin vendor, and then refuses to look you in the eye the next day.

Of course, what better way to break the ice with somebody you've never met than by bumping into them in a crowded 6man, Keystone in hand, and music exceeding 95db. You'd never imagine the things people know about you! Like where you live, for starters. Not to mention your major, your hometown, campus involvement, study activities, etc. Wow! It's almost like they'd learned all that stuff about you somehow before they even MET you! Somebody's got a secret fan club! Anyway, I just think it's funny how people can be so open and blunt after you've just met, especially, let's say, the ones that want to tap you.

I think it was Homer that once said "Now about to our bloody business". When he said it, I think he was talking about murdering Carthaginians, but for now, lets imagine that my business is about updating this damn thing because I've been neglecting it. I'm sure my LJ sits here late at night, sleeping with one eye open, watching me sleep, with murderous thoughts in its head. In that case, let's write some bullshit to keep it's lust for blood satiated.

So for those of you who I didn't care enough to tell, I'll be spending the duration of my summer here on The Hill, working for Conferences Services, aka Denison's Work-Bitch, aka High School Summer Camp Ubiquetous Chaperone. The group consists of myself, 7 other DU students of various classes (Heather Snook 09, Chris Barber 08, Devon McRavion 08, Brett Alteir 07, Glynis Braut 07, Erin Davidson 07, Antonio Barnett 07), an intern, Lisa, an 06 Grad of James-Madison, and my Boss Mom Vikki Sussman. All around, we pretty much kick ass at whatever we do, and have excellent bowstaff skills.

Anyway, the objective of our group (besides making a SHIT-TON of $$$$) is to work as event staff for any and all camps/weddings/balls/alumni weekends that DU decides to lend it's facilities. We also set up all the dorms that these folks stay in, which is, needless to say, a pain in the scrotum. So far, we've put up with a Clown Camp for professional clowns (I'm not joking, something called Vista, whatever the hell that is, and the Hugh O'brian Youth Leadership camp (H.O.B.Y.) which is actually still here. These obnoxious little high school sophomores have been here since Thursday morning, and have the audacity to call ME up at 3am because they lock themselves out of their room. To hell with you I say, and I hope you get tetnis from Shorney.

So that's my job in a nutshell, and to think there's still 3 months left of it! Woo-hoo! On a lighter note, I will finally be going home June 9th to see my family, friends, and HS graduation. I haven't seen home since around New Year's Day and want to reconnect. I'm looking forward to showing up and people asking my dumb questions about my fraterniy. If they do, I'll do what I do best, which is to verbally beat them into the ground.

My summer living condition could not be more desireable. Antonio and myself have landed ourselves in Sunset D 01 (The Underground 2k6), and IT IS A PIMP HOUSE. I went out and, through the power of eBay, purchased a grotesquely large entertainment system, which shakes dinner plates 2 floors above us. Even though there are 4 rooms and only 2 of us, we set up a 3rd one, which Antonio delightfully dubbed "The Boom-Boom Room". I wonder what that's for.

I suppose that's all for now. I'll be sure to write more later when June-O starts rolling around to let you all know how lame 2010 is. I'll also make notes of Cheer Ohio, which is 3 weeks worth of High School cheerleaders on campus. Lord save me from statuatory. Pssh, like I'd sink that low....

Well kiddies, nothing better to do on a Sunday morning (besides showering) than to write a little bruhaha about this and that.
*********
My summer situation has been solidified and, yes, I WILL be staying here this summer to work for Conference Services. This means a couple things. First off, I'll be stuck in the land of damnation, a.k.a. Ohio, for an additional 4 months, which I suppose is alright with me. I certainly wish I was back home with the likes of Ben and Joe, causing mischief and being an all around rabble-rouser, but I'm trying to do that whole "growing up" thing, and consequentially that means doing what's best for me. Secondly, I won't have to worry about money come August, since I'll make about six and half grand. True, half my earnings go towards my tuition, but hey, that's still a shit-ton of money, and I'm going to have a lot more fun than I would if I was slaving away for old people again. I'm fairly certain I'll be housed in Sunset D with Antonia, which is fine by me. On the low-work weeks, I plan on inviting my people down from Cleveland and Columbus so we can throw down DU style. Cue Lil' John "yeah!" noise.

Back to the whole missing home thing, it's gotten to the point where I can no longer deny the fact that I want to get the hell out of here and go back to my home. I miss the places I grew up in; my childhood hideaways and favorite hangouts, and anybody who talks to me nowadays can probably deduce as much. Ben will be living in Boston this summer with Alida, and Joe will spend most of his time at his Hampton Beach house, so neither of them is close in any respect. I'm trying to get home early June to see my high school graduation, reconnect with friends, and pretty much let ye olde Vermont know that I haven't passed out of existence.

But all bets aside, I DO love it here to some degree. The weather is so different here, as it's probably maxing out at in the 40's to 50's back home about this time. The trees smell different here, the air has a different feel, and even the natural ambience is all screwed up. It was like Spring was a week long and then POW all of a sudden it's mini-skirts, flipflops and frisbee everywhere I look. Refreshingly different.

I had a fun surprise this past Saturday when I got a visit from home. My friend Matt, who I've known for probably ten years and went to the highschool a couple miles from me, came up to Granville this weekend. His mom and him are looking to move out here coincidentally, and he'll be going to Wooster next year (he commented that if he transfered, he would switch to Denison). So I entertained him, asked about all the fun I'm missing back home, and got a nice reminder of where and what I come from. He said they hope to have a house picked out by July, which means I suspect he'll be hanging out with me a lot for the summer. Good times.

Fratnerity life is treating me good. Though I failed to achieve officer status this year, I DID get elected to Chapter Historian. Though I'm not sure what this entails exactly, I can assure you I'll be as bitchin' at it as I can. I think over the summer I'll attempt to build that family tree that we've been working on, or perhaps put together a little House History. It all depends on what I want to do with it. The 51st General Assembly is in July, and I've elected to represent DU in Orlando. The school pays for the plane, and the chapter pays my registration. This being the case, I get to spend 4 days in Disney World for free. Ca-ching!!!

All in all, things aren't as bad as I make them out to be I suppose. I need to go home, I need a vacation, and I definitely need a few more pairs of shorts, but things seem to be on the up. I'm curious to see how The Hill operates in the summer, what kind of trouble I can get into, and most importantly, if the summer research students are attractive.